01 Sep 2001
The Staff Modified
22 Jan 2018

Occasionally, guests ask how many people are required to keep a web site like this running, and are surprised to learn that it's a one-man operation.  However, some are not satisfied with that answer.  They insist that something can be this badly fouled up only through the efforts of several individuals working at cross purposes.  So for those conspiracy theorists who are convinced that this site must be the product of an evil elitist intellectual heretical epicurean liberal anarchist secular humanist evolutionist conservationist collusion, bent upon assailing the unassailable morals and beliefs, and questioning the unquestionable taste and judgment, of our benightedly beloved nation and its lofty leaders, I (we) present the following list of potted parties, toward whom disgruntled guests are welcome to vent their wrath and indignation.

Newly hired staff members are highlighted.


Attendance Supervisor Marcus Tardi
Chief Executive's Advisor Nadya Hedd
Micromanager Sacha Payne
Policy Coordinator Hugh Reckon

Accounting & Finance

Budget Director Owen Moore
Financial Advisor Mary Amelia Nair
Wealth Redistribution Accountant Sharon Cheryl Eyck

Remote Correspondent Seldon Everret Holm
Speech Writer Ivan A. Naunzmant
Telemarketing Operator Dewey Annoya

Customer & Public Relations

Complaint Adjuster Olive Yutu
Kyrie Liaison Agnes Day

Employee Relations & Morale

Lost-and-Found Clerk Lucia Wallit
Motivation Moderator Don Givadamme
Productivity Monitor Howard Dewing
Retirement Counselor Ova D. Hill
Rumor Control Officer Oliver Towne
Union Negotiator Les S. Moore

Environment & Natural Resources

Energy Conservationist Dyson Spheer
Global Warming Monitor Calvin Eisberg
Hazardous Materials Handler Jocelyn DeNitro

Food Service
Dietary Consultants Chic N. Nugget, Walter Mellon
Low-Carb Diet Supervisor Coudoneetza Rice
Minimalist Waiter Phil Glass
Oriental Food Taste Tester Ho-Lee Kao
Short-Order Cooks Carmen Gaddit, Angie O'Plasty

Health, Hygiene, & Safety
Acne Treatment Advisor Don Pickett
Adversity Counselor Gwen N. Barrett
Ambulance Driver (Sick Transit) Gloria Mundi
Dermatologist Ivan Niche
Emergency Paramedic Cora Narry
Hematologists Billy Reuben, Elektra Lyte
Manicurist Sandor Neylzoff
Optometrist Kent C. Strait
Psychiatrist Raven Luni
Radiation Safety Officer Glowinda Darke
Sex Therapist Ivan Ereksian
Stress Therapists Don Wouri, Bea Happi

Human Resources

Personnel Director Hiram Daly

Court Bailiff Lionel Perjurya
Devil's Advocate Mel Evylent
Disciplinary Officer Tarzan Fedders
Sexual Harassment Investigator Pat McKeester

Office Supply Clerk Renata Toner
Postal Agents Imelda Letta, Senta Peckidge
Procurement Officer Morris Bettor
Supply Coordinators Don Frett, Morris Cumming

Damage Control Officer Amelia Raitt
Flag Handler JosÚ Canyuci
Rest Room Attendant Dewey Noah Plummer


Prophecy Verification Researcher Muhammad Dun-Tolmi

Research & Development

Innovation Coordinator Buck de Trend
Pavlovian Research Director Sally Vacian
Test Pilot Hugo Furst

Crisis Manager Oliver Suddon
Security Chief "Rocko" Jeb Walter
Vagrancy Patrol Officer Orestes Bumms

Audio Engineer Kent Herya
Candlestick Height Checker Jack B. Nymbal
Cartographer Rhonda Corner
Innovation Coordinator Buck de Trend
Metric Conversion Coordinator Millie Graham


Academic Incentives Officer Yvonne A. Grant
Driving Instructor Ron M. Downe
Sensitivity Trainer Don Boddermi

Sports & Recreation

Bicycling Coach S°ren Wyndid
Cat Trainer Claude N. Bitton
Illusionist Alan de Rist
Marathon Runner Thor S. Canby
Rodeo Clown Gordon Trampelt
Seahorse Jockey Eddy Canter
Social Director Saddam Angamora
Timekeeper Harvey Dunyet

Arts & Culture

Cimbalomist Hun Solo
Clerical Choreographer Bishop Tutu
Fashion Designer Natalie A. Tyard
Historian Orson Buggey
Music Director Doremi Fasolati
Operatic Mime Placebo Domingo
Paleographer Rosetta Stone
Pianist Paula Naise
Polyethnic Cellist Yo Ma-Ma


Gotcha Creator Major Looke
Grief Counselor Sheila Mentz
Mortician Paul Barrer
Obituary Editor Solomon Grimm
Paranormal Investigator Houda Thunket
Parking Attendant Denton Fendor
Parole Officer Frieda Conn
Plant Care Specialist Fern Albetter
Porta-Potty Transporter John Kerry
Sperm Bank Teller Cyrus N. Onymos
Statistician Adam Ollup
Travel Agent Carrie Ann Luggich
Veterinarian Karen Fieding

And then there's the chap who actually writes and arranges all the stuff for this site.
That would be this shady character...

a tan gent


    MAIN          TOP         OWNER